Every day, one in three authors will prepare to work, just to discover that they have run out of coffee. Medically, this leads to a short-term, debilitative state known as cafea ademptus. Long term, it creates a serious cultural vacuum in literature. Beans for Books is a non-profit initiative, which aims to stop this loss by providing community awareness, prevention strategies and research into eliminating cafea ademptus.
The effects of cafea ademptus aren’t limited to physical impairment, it also causes distress and is responsible for great losses to the International literary community. For example, it is a little known fact that Mahatma Gandhi, despite the encouragement of Henry David Thoreau and Leo Tolstoy, never got to write his thriller, “Dark Nights in Natal.” Historians have linked this loss to a voluntary lack of coffee consumption. [Ref] We have to ask ourselves how many other great treasures have been lost, as a result of coffee deprivation.
Know the Symptoms of Cafea Ademptus:
- Weakness in the extremities.
- Ability to sit steadily and upright in a chair.
- Confusion and an inability to concentrate, or focus.
- Chewing on empty coffee packets, chewing on used spoons, or licking the inside of used cups.
- Feeling hopeless or depressed.
- Reduced productivity and decreased in goal seeking behaviour.
- Aggression or argumentative behaviour; sometimes leading to theft, violence and the abandonment of all morals to obtain a ‘hit.’
- Loitering around coffee retailers, or being known by name, by their employees. This is especially serious, if Starbucks employees spell clients names correctly on cups.
- Excessive need for sleep or other sedentary activity.
Cafea ademptus can become worse around peak periods of coffee use, such as days after public holidays or weekends, when suppliers have been closed for business; during November (which in many literary circles is related to NaNoWriMo phenomena), and April (A-Z Challenge); or late at night when deadlines are approaching.
Warning Signs of the Approach of Cafea Ademptus:
- The level of coffee in the bag, or tin, is less than one third of the package weight.
- Rationing coffee in a panic, as supplies are getting low.
- Fighting over how many cups other members of the household or office, have consumed.
Medical authorities and sociologists have presented a number of draft strategies for bringing the problem under control. While these still require formal study, the suggestions for avoiding cafea ademptus involve simple tasks such as buying double quantities; socially focussed solutions such as being aware when friends are about to hit peak periods and checking their supplies; and in providing counsellors who can tailor organisational strategies to individual needs, to ensure all coffee related needs are met in a timely manner. Door to door rescue services are also being considered.
At this time, the only cure is a measured, regular coffee intake. No substitutions or medications have been able to replicate the effects of coffee, though chocolate has been tried with some hopeful outcomes. More research needs to be undertaken.
You can help cover the costs of research.
Donate by calling 1700-GIVE-A-BEAN to stop literary loss today.
The factual information in this post is provided by idiotsRus, as part of a non-profit initiative to take the woe out of Mondays.
Warning: if you try and ring that number to donate, your telco will probably laugh at you. Or you will donate to, I have no idea who. Don’t do it.
Disclaimer: I think Ghandi was awesome. No harm or offence was intended. He did meet with writers and adopt a severe diet for spiritual purity. Oh and Cafea Ademptus is Latin for coffee deprive. (Loosely)
All images used in this post (except the logo), are sourced from openclipart.org and are suitable for non-commercial use.